Best way to proceed through failure to massive success

 Best way to proceed through failure to massive success

Part of Kathy Caprino's series "Supporting Today's Workers for Prosperity"

How can you cope with failure in practical and life-sustaining ways?

In my nearly 40 years of my career, I have faced a major setback that some may view as unpleasant and others may say it is embarrassing and humiliating. For example, I was blindfolded because of the brutal layoffs in my high-profile VP job in a way that eroded my self-confidence. I was transferred to a new position, took on new roles, became more aggressive, fought more aggressively against my boss, and became more aggressive, starting large-scale programs that cost me money, dealing with the wrong people, and more. I have also been very successful, which has made me proud and helped me to do the work I love and the people I respect, supporting the results I care about.

In my study of the growth of the Amazing Career Project, participants often talk about their “failures” and are eager to dig deeper to understand these failures better. I put quotation marks around the word “failure” because often, these events or experiences are not failures - they were wise, well-thought-out steps or decisions that ended in a way that sounded wrong, but that learning was inevitable and important for their growth. Now, why can we call that failure?

The same experience happened to me when I became a marriage and family therapist. I loved the Masters's program and the knowledge I learned. I loved training and three years of study, but when I started training, even after starting a medical practice with my two partners, I learned that the professionalism of daily therapists, and the deep darkness I felt immersed in was not what I wanted in my life. But that training changed every aspect of my life, and it allowed me to become a better trainer, writer, and teacher. So, not a failure at all.

Regarding their failure, my clients ask, "Why didn't I see this coming?" or "How is it that no matter what I do in this job or in this company, I am not as well known or rewarded as other people?

Failure is a concept that has been written for centuries. Some experts have shared that “failure” is about how you look. Some have explored the idea that there really is no “failure” - the only answer. Some have suggested that there are certain aspects of failure, and the key is to understand this structure to avoid a fruitless and damaging criminal game. Finally, scientists studying the subject have found that failure is a necessity for success.

Shakespeare also said of failure:

"The wise men sat down and mourned their loss, but gladly looked for ways to remedy the situation." - from Henry VI

The problem with many of these definitions is that they do not actually take into account the frustration, grief, and confusion we often experience when we face failure - the pain we feel when we do not achieve the key outcomes we think we need the most and want.

Cutting through all the discussion of failure education and seeing how we can move forward and learn from what we are facing, I have found that there is one simple question you can ask yourself to help understand the failure you are facing, and take great advantage of it to achieve your new, better goals faster.

THE QUESTION IS

Looking at this experience, action, or event that I see as a major failure, what was the ONLY real cause and what do I learn now from it?

I would have failed because of:

1) Technical error

2) Lack of recognition or respect for my true feelings and desires

3) Inability to foresee what is coming along the road

This week, take time to examine what you see as major failures in life or work right now. Which of the following categories do you fall into ?:

Determined step

When you are faced with a big, unexpected challenge, something you would never see coming, being flexible, open, and innovative will help you to face that challenge. Learn as you go, stand still, and embrace new strategies that will help you rethink your approach and your strategies, and goals, rather than dwelling on anger, fear, and resistance.

Tip: If you experience grief in this failure (and often, grief is accompanied by feelings of personal loss or professionalism and failure), it is helpful to understand the five stages of grief, that famous Swiss and American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described in her excellent book On Death and Dying. He explained that the grieving process can be divided into five stages. His vision came from years of working with terminally ill people.

The five stages of grief are:

Denial

Anger

Negotiation

Depression

Acceptance

What stage can you be in now? Not everyone goes through these five stages of suffering, or we may not go through them in this way. But I have found that when we find ourselves failing in ways that hurt and humiliate us, grief is almost always involved.

In my book The Most Powerful You, I share what my research over the past 15 years has revealed about the 7 most powerful positions that 98% of women face today. Gap # 7 allows Past Challenge and Tragedy to Define You.

I see every day how our “failures” have overwhelmed us, and how the pain and shame of this failure stays with us, often for years and even a lifetime. Among the many stories of inspiring women who have faced and overcome these hurtful gaps, Chapter 7 shares the thrilling and insightful story of Cheryl Hunter, who experienced a traumatic, frightening experience in her youth that changed her life forever. Over the years, as someone who helps people tell a different story about their lives, he shares that we need to stop longing to “go back” to the old or “original” way of life, but instead focus on moving forward in a new, rewarding and life-affirming way.

One way forward after failing to understand is that there are many stages, stages, and events that shape our lives and our activities. Also, success is not a straightforward process - it is the process of living organisms. Years ago, as I learned more about this process, I was impressed by William Bridges' work and his book Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes in which he discusses the common stages of change.

I have also seen that there are 8 stages of job conversion or conversion of any kind, and those stages are:

Quitting

Isolation

Confusion

Release

Re-engagement

Discovery

Clarity

Consolidation

Allowing yourself to go through these stages, rather than fighting and resisting them - especially after a failure that has broken your self-confidence, self-confidence, and self-confidence - will help you move forward, incorporate new information learned from your life experiences, and embark on the "bold" path that's it.

Kathy Caprino is a career and leadership coach, speaker, teacher, and author of The Most Powerful You: 7 Ways to Increase Strength in Career Bliss. She helps professional women build their most rewarding careers with her Career Breakthrough programs and access to a Brave podcast.

Did this failure come from taking action that moved you to the place you now see and feel wrong?

If so, consider why you have taken this step. What prompted this wrong action?

Has it been recommended to you by an expert you have relied on?

Have you done research that shows that this is the right step, but something unexpected happened?

Did you just think it would lead to a happy professional life (as I believed when I became a healer), but you didn’t really evaluate the direction properly? (This usually happens because of what I call the Pendulum Effect)

Do you think you know enough about this particular project, job, or direction but actually don't know?

Are you too fast, without seeing the full potential impact of this one step?

Usually, strategic mistakes are made with very good intentions, but we don't have a crystal ball. Sometimes they take us to new places that we have not tested properly, or even if we have tested them, life does not go well - you will often experience things you have never prepared.

Tip: If it was a strategic move that led to failure, look at why you used that strategy, and find out that in this process you may have asked for or learned some new information that could have saved you the pain of that step.

You will usually find that nothing has been done differently. That is, you have done all you can to give the person who you were at the time. But if you make this kind of strategic mistake over and over again, you will want to get to the root of why this is a recurring pattern in your life.

Unknown feelings and desires

I recently came across what some might consider a major failure. I created a program that I believed would: 1) really wanted to deliver, 2) it would be useful to thousands of people around the world, and 3) it would be very profitable and a solid service at the same time.

The result - a major failure. In short, there was very little interest shown.

Business or business experts point me to the marketing and sales process I have undertaken to promote this program, and they will immediately suspect the marketing or epidemic measures. But as a salesman my whole life, I know that's not a problem at all.